Let Us Explain
by SportzIsLife
Summary: If you like slash, DO NOT READ THIS STORY! You'll become pissed, I promise you. Unless you're a calm person. This is just basically my explanation of what's wrong with South Park fanfics involving slash. But this is explained through the kids, because what better way to explain then through them! Don't fell disrespected by this though, you have the right to write what you want.


**As I said in the summary, this is an anti-slash story. If you like slash, first of all, why...? And second of all, please don't read this story. You're just going to get angry and flame me. And I don't want to be flamed by slash lovers. I just don't.**

**Anyway, I just felt like writing this story, because I'm starting to get pretty pissed off at the amount of slash stories on Fanfiction. I'm not homophobic or something, I don't hate gays, but I just don't like it when I see all these authors making the South Park kids gay or lesbian or genderbent or something. It REALLY kills the meaning of the show, imo. But anyway, enough rambling, let's get on with the story!**

* * *

Darkness is everywhere. Just empty, cold darkness. No noise fills the darkness either. It's just silent, cold darkness.

Just then, four boys walk into the shot. Why, these are our four favorite boys. Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, and Kenny McCormick. Just then, four stools appear out of nowhere, and the four blank-faced boys sit on the stools. They suddenly become angry.

"So, fans of South Park, we have a question for you." Stan says coldly.

"Why…the FUCK…do you guys do what you do?" Kyle spat.

"Why, just why, do you make us FAGS!" Cartman exclaims.

"I'm the last person you should be making gay!" Kenny says.

"We're here in this dark room to explain the problem with every single gay pairing." Kyle explains.

"So, let's begin." Cartman says.

"First, Kyman," Kyle says through gritted teeth, "What exactly makes you guys believe Cartman and I have FEELINGS for each other. We hate each other more than anything else in the world. But at the same time, we hang out for some moronic reason. Are we friends? NO! Are we enemies?" Kyle and Cartman glance at each other, "I guess not. I guess you could say we're…frenemies. But nothing more!"

"Now, I know what you're thinking, "But Cartman, if you hate Kyle so much, why did you pretend to be his boyfriend? Why have you saved his life so many times? Why did you try so hard to get him to suck your balls?" now I'll let you know that the only reason I pretended to be his boyfriend was to get Token and Nichole together. The only reason I've saved his life was because I either got tricked into doing it, he owed me something, or just wanted to insult him more. It had nothing to do with love."

"Okay, now, let's move on to…Bunny," Kenny clears his throat before continuing, "I rarely ever directly hang out with Butters. The only time I've ever hung out with Butters was when we went to Hawaii. And the only reason I did that was because I was the only person he would listen to. But he didn't wanna go home. And since the stupid bitch at the desk wouldn't let Butters get on without me, I had no choice but to go. Was it fun? Yes. Do I love Butters? Never have, never will. I love, and I mean LOVE, boobs. And fucking silly bitches. Because I know my penis likes it. So Bunny, K2, Stenny, and Kenman or whatever it's called, is retarded. I'm as straight as it gets."

Cartman speaks again, "And I do not like Butters! He's an idiot! The only reason I hang out with him is because he's so stupid and naïve that I can get him to do whatever I want! I'm not attracted to him in the slightest of ways. The only reason I put his dick in my mouth was because I was trying to prank him! Not because I'm attracted to him. So stop with the Cutters. And stop with the Stanman, too. Me and Stan are friends! That's it! When has either of us ever displayed attraction to each other? NEVER! And same with Cartweek! And Craigman or whatever it's called. And don't even think about pairing me up with Clyde or Jimmy or something. I like girls. Just not dumb ones. They're annoying."

"Now, on to Style. Kyle and I are best friends, no, scratch that, SUPER best friends, but that's it. I have a girlfriend for crying out loud! Why is it that we can't be best friends without having tons of people think, or want to think, that we're gay for each other? Besides, all four of us have displayed attraction to girls, and NONE of us have displayed attraction to guys, so there's no reason to think that we're gay." Stan rants.

Suddenly, Craig, Tweek, and Damien come into the shot. Craig speaks first.

"I don't even want to know where all of you guys got the idea that Tweek and I were gay for each other, but we're not. I like girls. Tweek likes girls. Every single male student at South Park Elementary is straight. At least for now we all are."

Damien speaks up, "And to add on to that, why would I like Pip? Actually, why are you guys still writing stories involving Pip? Pip was crushed by some robot or something. I wasn't there to see it, but that's what I heard. He's dead. So stop writing stories involving him!"

"Have we forgotten any pairings?" Stan asks anyone.

"Even if we did, who cares? I'm sure they got the point. Don't make any of the guys at our skewl fags." Cartman jumps off his stool and leaves the shot. Everyone else was about to follow, but then Cartman stops and returns to the shot, and comes very close to the camera, and says, "And stop it with the genderbending. While it's perfectly possible for some freak accident to happen that makes everyone the opposite sex, since this is South Park, unless you have a South Park-like reason for it to happen. Why would I want blood coming out my vajayjays? Why would any of us want blood coming out our vajayjays? Okay, I think we're done." All the boys leave the shot. Butters then walks into the shot, and starts rubbing his knuckles together nervously. He then looks at the camera.

"Uh…and s-stop making me gay, too. Well, I'm just about sick of it. I'm not gay. I've liked girls before. Why, there was that one time where I like that Raisins girl. Too bad she was just trying to get my money. A-and what about the time when I was trying to get Cartman a semen sample for their investigation? I finally got some after I thought of boobs. Not nasty old penises, b-but boobs. So I'm not gay either, got it?" Butters glares at the camera for a couple seconds, then cheerfully says, "Alrighty then, have a nice day! H-hey, wait up fellas!" Butters runs out of the shot. Curtains close in front of the darkness.

* * *

**And there you have it. My problems with slash explained through the South Park kids, because what better way is there to explain it? If you have a reasonable reason as to why certain slash pairings are legit, then kindly drop a review below! If you agree with me, then drop a review saying so! If you completely disagree with me, then KINDLY drop a review explaining why. Thanks for reading!**

**P.S Sorry for any grammatical errors, I'm too lazy to read over it. **


End file.
